Many of us who have been through a divorce or divorces have experienced pain, shame, and regret. Some of us may still be in it. But we would like to get unstuck from those states and look at our divorce differently. Being in pain and regret is no fun. There is a time when we wake up and say, “I am ready to feel differently about my divorce.”
After my divorces I felt relief, but I was also going through all kinds of emotions. I felt bad about putting my daughter through the divorces, for sure. The strife and emotional abuse was awful. We were kind of shell shocked for a while. Life settled down eventually, but there was anger, leftover fear, and regrets over not choosing my husbands wisely.
I ignored tons of red flags. But guess what? We survived and ultimately have thrived after the divorces.
It’s because I have been able to look at my divorces differently and you can, too. Here are some things to consider:
- Do you have children from your marriage to your ex? That in itself is a blessing. When I think about my ex, I am grateful for the one really great thing that came of the marriage. My daughter.
- Did the divorces cause you to mature spiritually and emotionally? Yes, it may have been awful at the time, but you have matured and changed since then. For me, I demonstrated that I am a strong woman and can handle most anything. It also gave me the opportunity to delve into my faith life and rely on God more.
- Do you realize that the experiences made you who you are today? The strong, resilient, smart, and free person that you are?
- Do you understand that going through that helped you to determine what kind of partner you do and don’t want, if you want to have another partner?
- And do you know now that God was with you every step of the way? Every scary, sad, and emotionally draining moment of the experience?
There are a lot of scripture verses that show us how God is with us every moment. Here is one of my favorites:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;…
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;” Isaiah 43:1-3, 5
Let’s now take a few moments to consider how to look at your divorce differently. Go over the questions and really think about it. It can be a game changer in terms of an internal shift. New thoughts. New life.
I’d love to hear your feedback after you spend some time contemplating all this. Leave a comment or send me an email at jane@janespringer.com and we’ll chat about it.
Have a blessed day!
Jane
Jane Springer is a certified Life, Wellness and Style Coach who assists women in taking care of themselves, in body, mind and spirit. She coaches women who want to lose weight, avoid diabetes, and feel great. She also helps them thrive after divorce. She also helps them to clear their closets of old clothes and outdated attitudes, so they can shine and feel confident.