Are You Buffering To Avoid Unpleasant Emotions?

It’s 9 p.m.  You are tired from working.  You’ve had a disagreement with your supervisor or co-worker and you still feel upset about it.  Dinner is over, dishes are done, kids are in bed.  You finally have a few minutes to sit and relax.  But the thought of that conversation with your supervisor is still eating at you.

What do you do?  Do you head to the fridge to retrieve that pint of Ben and Jerry’s?  Or go to the pantry and snag that bag of cookies? 

Do you have another glass or two of wine to feel a little calmer?

Do you binge watch Netflix shows until 1 a.m., knowing full well you have to get up at 5:30 a.m. to start all over again?

You can substitute a fight with your husband or kids in this situation.  Or you may be alone and wishing that you had a partner to share that couch with you.

Anger, sadness, hurt, loneliness and even boredom are all feelings you may be experiencing.

When you engage in a behavior that may not serve you to avoid an unpleasant emotion, that is called buffering.

We all have done it at one time or another.  I learned to buffer with food at an early age to avoid unpleasant things that were happening in my home life.  It was something I learned that would always make me feel better.  Chocolate chip cookies and ice cream were my thing.

Why did they make me feel better?  Because that food with sugar or any processed food goes straight to your brain as a neurotransmitter called dopamine.  The same chemical that people who use cocaine get.  So powerful and very addictive.  Your body likes that good feeling the food produces and wants more.  The more you engage in buffering, the stronger the connection in your brain.

What to do about it?  It’s simple, but not necessarily easy.  Here are the steps:

1. Recognize what you are doing.  Awareness with compassion and curiosity is key.  Why are you engaging in this behavior and what emotion are you feeling?
2. Now, what thoughts preceded the action you took? What were you thinking right before you went to the kitchen?  Write them down.
3. What results are you getting from the behavior? Gaining weight, exhaustion, putting yourself in a financial bind from shopping mindlessly online?
4. What are the feelings, actions and results you would like instead? Write those down.  What thought would you need to think in order to produce those feelings, actions (or non-actions) and results you just wrote down.  An example of an action could be to simply sit with the emotions for 10 or 15 minutes.  The feelings will generally pass.  You can also substitute another activity like drinking tea, taking a walk, or reading a book. You can find one that works for you.
5. Now practice thinking this thought the next time you turn to buffering to avoid those unpleasant feelings. Keep repeating it, so your brain can create a new neural pathway and learn to avoid buffering.

Did you recognize yourself in any of this?  Are you buffering?  If you are, you are in good company.  Would you like to learn to stop?  It could be the first step to a healthier and more satisfying life.

I have tons of experience with this – I have learned to recognize it in myself and have figured out how to turn things around, especially in my eating.  It helped me lose the weight I had gained over the years.  I’d be honored to help you learn this process and quit buffering, so that you can feel better.  Just email me at jane@janespringer.com.  We’ll have a chat by phone about your challenges with buffering and the possibility of working together to stop the buffering.  Are you in?

Blessings,

Jane