Do you have a tendency to look to your past when contemplating what could happen in your future? Old, negative thoughts getting in your way?
Let’s say you want to start dating or you are dating, and things don’t happen the way you want them to. Do you say to yourself, “Well, I’m not surprised. My relationships never work out the way I want them to.”
Or let’s say you meet someone on a dating website, you make a connection, talk a lot, maybe even go out a couple of times. You are starting to feel a little hopeful. Then, you realize that maybe he drinks a little too much. Or he tells you about what happened in a previous relationship and the red flags go up in your head. Do you say to yourself, “This online dating has never worked before, why should it now?”
Or let’s say you want to lose 10 pounds before you put yourself out there to date. You get all pumped up, start a food plan, have some success, lose 5 of the pounds, and then something happens. You add one extra glass of wine, you start having a couple of snacks a day, whatever. Before you know it, you have gained back some of the weight and you think you will never find someone weighing this much. Do you say to yourself, “I’ve never been successful with weight loss before, why should now be any different?”
If these scenarios ring a bell with you, welcome to being a human. We all have brains and our brains want to go back to what is familiar. And that includes old thoughts deeply ingrained.
The good news is you do not have to always look back in order to determine your future. Here are 3 tips to move you forward instead of back, so that you can experience success and joy in your future.
- Acknowledge what happened in the past. Maybe you had some failures and regrets. Who doesn’t? But those “mistakes” or misjudgments make you who you are today. A rich and beautiful tapestry of experiences forming the essence of you. You have learned a lot from them, now it is time to move forward. Good Lord, if I dwelt on the mistakes I made in choosing husbands, I would never dig myself out of a depression! But I am me and I love me as I am. My past is my past and it stays there.
- Have compassion and curiosity about why things turned out the way they did. What did you learn? What did you resolve never to do again? I resolved never to marry another alcoholic or ignore red flags. I learned to listen to my gut and my spirit about whether this was the place I was supposed to be and the person God want me to be with. When I listened and learned, and took time to change my thinking, things got a lot better in my relationships, and ultimately I met the right guy.
- Focus on what you want. Period. Picture yourself in that situation. Think about the qualities that you “must-have” in a partner. How do you want to feel after you have lost those 10 pounds? What would you be able to do that you can’t do now? What do you need to do to feel good about yourself moving forward, so you can attract your ideal partner (if that’s what you want)?
Lots to think about- yes, you can change your brain by thinking new thoughts and imagining what you want in the future. Stop looking back. Full speed ahead!!
Want to go into this in more depth, sort out what old thoughts that may be holding you back from a joyful future? Contact me here to schedule a 20-minute discovery call with me and we will talk about what you want in your future and how to get there. Let’s do this!
Jane Springer is a certified Life, Wellness and Style Coach who assists women in taking care of themselves, in body, mind and spirit. She coaches women who want to lose weight, avoid diabetes, and feel great. She also helps them thrive after divorce. She also helps them to clear their closets of old clothes and outdated attitudes, so they can shine and feel confident.