Are your thoughts keeping you single? That may seem like a strange question, but stick with me.
Have you ever had any of these thoughts?
- There aren’t any good men (women) out there.
- Internet dating is a joke (substitute scary or any other adjective).
- I’m tired of looking.
- I need to lose ______pounds (fill in the blank) before I go out there looking.
- I’m too old to start over again.
- I’ve been burned (hurt) enough times – never again.
- I’ve made such lousy choices, I question my judgement.
- It’s too hard.
- I like my independence too much. I’m scared to start over.
- I’m an introvert and I hate meeting new people.
I could go on and on. There are several of those thoughts I have had myself in times past.
You may feel pretty discouraged about finding love again.
The good news is those are just thoughts. Those thoughts are making you feel a certain way and are causing action or inaction on your part, which are creating the result of no love or relationship.
But thoughts can be changed! That really is good news. Your brain can make new neural pathways up until you die. New thoughts can mean new feelings, actions, and results.
What is a thought that you can believe and that might make you feel more motivated and hopeful?
How about:
“I can figure out a new way to meet some people within my comfort zone, i.e. at church, through friends, an outdoor activity, a book club.”
Or
“I’m smart, still attractive, fun in my own way and I have a lot to offer someone. I don’t have to be skinny.”
The possibilities are endless for new thoughts. You can make new neural pathways in your brain with the new thought by repeating it often and choosing a thought you can believe.
When I was single and had made some choices in men that did not line up with my faith and what I wanted and needed in a man, I made a decision and created a new thought. It was:
“I surrender this process to God” and I turned it over. That thought gave me a feeling of relief, my action was to stop actively looking and concentrate on my faith, work life and family. The result was that I met my husband through a friend, with whom I had just casually shared that I would like to find a spiritual guy.
You, too, can change your thoughts. Write down every negative thought you may be having about finding love or being single. See if you can find a thought that will move you forward. You will feel better and stronger. You may not be single for long……Who knows?
If you want help with this process of changing your thoughts and possibly finding partner, let’s work together. Contact me at jane@janespringer.com for a free 20-minute consultation. It worked for me and it can work for you.
For more information about this method of examining your thoughts, check out the book Self Coaching 101, by Brooke Castillo.
Jane Springer is a certified Life, Wellness and Style Coach who assists women in taking care of themselves, in body, mind and spirit. She coaches women who want to lose weight, avoid diabetes, and feel great. She also helps them thrive after divorce. She also helps them to clear their closets of old clothes and outdated attitudes, so they can shine and feel confident.