Ignoring Red Flags in Relationships Doesn’t Work

He was so Different. 

Different from the all the college and other guys I had dated up to that point. 

He was working moving furniture in my office building. 

He was dark and handsome in a “bad boy” kind of way. 

We struck up a conversation and I looked forward to seeing him in the building every day. 

We eventually progressed to letters (old school) and eventually phone calls. 

I learned that he had not graduated from high school. 

He had a very different background than mine.  He had grown up without the advantages and education I had. 

That was intriguing and Different. 

He had some trouble with the law in his life.  That definitely was Different from any of the guys I had dated.  Again, the “bad boy” impression was intriguing. 

However, looking back, I had ignored at least one red flag. 

He also told me that he had been encouraged to attend AA classes.  He said he didn’t need it. 

Another red flag. 

When he was around me, he wasn’t drinking. 

It may seem to you like I was incredibly naïve.  I was. 

I was also used to guys wanting One Thing.  It was the age of “free love” and birth control.   

I will say that I had dated some wonderful guys. None of these relationships had lasted, though. 

Somehow, relationships had devolved into very unsatisfactory connections. 

The thing was I was a young woman looking for love, and as it turned out, in all the wrong places. 

Back to the “bad boy”.  We knew each other for a year before we got married.  In the courthouse.  I knew my parents would not approve, so I didn’t tell them until after we had married.  My sister knew, and she had told me, “bad idea.” 

Sometimes when you are in love, you aren’t exactly thinking straight, right?  I bet you can relate. 

Let me be clear.  We loved each other. 

Quite quickly, I realized he had a drinking problem. He worked the night shift and hung out with his friends after work, drinking beer. 

Here’s some good news.  We had a daughter together that first year.  She was and has been the bright star in my life ever since.   

But, the drinking took its toll on a marriage.  By all intents and purposes, I was a single parent.  Married to an alcoholic.  We fought, separated, then reconciled. For the sake of our daughter. 

We divorced after 6 years.  Things got really bad.  Threats, custody issues, violence, court battles, and jail time. 

My lesson from this marriage was – I ignored the red flags.  We came from such different backgrounds.  His lifestyle and mine were too different. 

Here is more good news. 

I learned from this.  I learned not to ignore red flags in a relationship. I learned that I was incredibly strong as a woman and a single mom.  Over time, I came to believe that I was valuable. I had hope for future relationships. 

I also learned I was never alone.  God walked with me through it all. 

One thing I love about coaching is that I can serve other women who think they have made such poor choices in men, and that they are not good judges of character.  They will never find someone. 

I show them how to get ready for love with confidence, strength and a positive outlook.  Not to let their past determine their future. 

You are worthy.  You are beautiful.  You deserve to be loved well, by yourself and others. 

If you are ready to get ready for love and attract the person you want to share your life with, email set up a time to talk with me here and we will have a free 60-minute call to talk about how to do just that.  Looking forward to hearing from you!