There was a time in my life when it was easy for me to find someone to share my life with- it may not have been a logical or good choice, but I made it anyway. There were seasons of being taken for granted, overlooking red flags, enduring emotional abuse, settling for safe and dependable, even when there wasn’t much chemistry. Even choosing someone with a serious criminal record. But by golly, he put me on a pedestal and it felt good to be there. Never mind that he was an alcoholic and an ex-con..
It went something like the song, “Looking for love in the all the wrong places….” I could be the poster child.
Maybe you have some embarrassment, shame, or disbelief around some of partners you have chosen. Hey, it can happen to the best of us. We obviously have work to do about our self-worth, childhood pain, and the ability to make good choices. I know I spent years on a tough emotional and spiritual journey working through my “stuff.”
The problem was I was trying too hard be the one who had to pick. And to control. There inevitably was something that was not “quite right” with each. And that included the fact that I wanted to share my faith with someone. None of the men I married or dated included a faith component.
Finally, with my last boyfriend (who I dated for five years), I knew that I wasn’t going to marry him. I sensed that there was someone else out there I was supposed to meet. So I said “enough”. I broke it off. I turned the selection over to the Lord. I obviously was doing a lousy job of this process on my own. It was time to let go.
Now mind you, the process wasn’t easy. Not by a long shot. I am not good at letting go and surrendering. I had a mantra, “I now surrender my life to you, Lord, and trust that you know what is best for me” that I repeated every day while on my daily walk. It felt good to let go. A relief. Of course there were times when I let go and then took back the reins. But I persevered in surrendering to Him. Whoever He chose had to be better than my choices!
Then one day, a friend introduced me to a divorced friend from his church. It was a random meeting, not a fix-up. I felt drawn to this man right away. However, it was an unlikely pairing. My daughter was grown and gone. He was younger and had a seven-year-old son and I hadn’t planned on raising another child. But I figured there was a reason why God had helped us meet, so I gave him chance. We dated for three years. Both of us were marriage-shy. But we kept God at the center of our relationship and we still do. We have now been married ten years. Amazing and awesome.
But it wasn’t until I let go and gave the choosing over to God that my future husband appeared. Have you had trouble finding someone to share your life with who is all you want him to be? Try letting go. Surprising and miraculous things can happen. I believe that is the secret to finding your ideal partner. With God, all things are possible.
Jane Springer is a certified Life, Wellness and Style Coach who assists women in taking care of themselves, in body, mind and spirit. She coaches women who want to lose weight, avoid diabetes, and feel great. She also helps them thrive after divorce. She also helps them to clear their closets of old clothes and outdated attitudes, so they can shine and feel confident.