Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

 

“Where have all the good men gone?”  This questions reminds me of an old Peter, Paul and Mary song called “Where have all the flowers gone?”  It was a very wistful and nostalgic tune.  But it is a question I hear often from my single lady friends who have stepped out into the dating arena after divorce.  They have tried online dating and are extremely disillusioned about the prospects of finding any decent men with which they are compatible.  Have you asked the same question?

According to my friends, the men lie and misrepresent themselves.  They use old pictures 25 pounds or 10 years ago.  Or after my friends get to know the men, they uncover sketchy backgrounds or addictive habits that are not immediately disclosed or displayed.  I had a dating experience online where the man told me he was divorced, and after dating for two years and discussing marriage, found out he was still legally married.

Now I am not saying the women are always entirely truthful online.  But what I do know is that I have at least five women friends who are delightful women of faith that any man would be fortunate to date.  And they can’t seem to find anyone decent.  And I do believe there are nice godly men out there.

So for these friends and perhaps you, if you are thinking about dating or feeling discouraged about what you have found out there online, I offer the following 5 tips.

• Take an honest look at yourself first.  Have you worked on your own baggage from previous relationships or marriages, so that you don’t infect your new dating opportunities with fear and negativity?  If not, I highly recommend working with a highly trusted friend, coach or therapist to work through your old stuff.  You may not even realize how you are coming across to your date.
• Value yourself.  Are you taking care of yourself?  Do you maintain healthy habits like eating healthy and exercising to be in the best shape you can be?  Do you allow time for fun, for quiet time, for relaxing, for devotions or do you let work and family life consume you?  There is nothing more attractive than a woman who shines with vibrancy and grace from the inside out.
• If you are meeting people online, take a good look at your profile and picture.  What image are you projecting?  With your status, hobbies and phrases, are you going to attract the kind of man you truly want?  If not, take a time-out and make some adjustments.  Be your authentic self.  If you want to attract a man with whom you can share your faith, for goodness sake, put that out there.  If this is a deal breaker, better to be honest up front.  Don’t waste your time trying to make compromises to what is truly important to you just so you can have someone to date.
• Let you friends, family, and faith community know you are single and looking for a godly man.  You never know what connection may be made from that.  I met my husband through a friend with whom I volunteered.  Get out and meet people by volunteering, going to events and taking classes.  Making connections is key.  You can’t meet someone by sitting in front of the TV.
•  Let God take the reins.  Sometimes we can make some very poor choices or settle without involving God in the plan.  I know I did.  By that I mean, ask Him for the kind of man you want. What values must he share with you?  Then, let go.  Let God take it from there.  Surrender.  He already knows the plan and what is best for you.  What I said daily to God was, “God, I know I have made a mess of this in the past.  You know what is best for me.  So please take over this part of my life.  I trust you.”  This is when my husband came into my life.  But not until I handed over the reins to Him.

Bonus tip:  Be open to a “package” that you did not expect.  I thought I would end up with someone my age or older with grown children.  I ended up with a man younger than me with a seven-year-old boy.  And I did not make that a deal breaker.  I took time to get to know them and it has turned out to be the greatest blessing.

Where have all the good men gone?  They are out there waiting for you.  It’s a matter of trust plus action.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences with trying to find a good man…..